Great advice.

Check out my Sleep Deprivation Experiment Blogs and Tips for more.

SG out for the count zzzzzzzz

I’m a big believer that when it comes to stress, and indeed our mental health in general, sometimes we need some additional support to help take back control from the negative aspects of stress.

This could be from friends, family or professional support including your GP or other qualified therapists.

The latter option can often be dismissed for any number of reasons from a perception that they do no good, through to fear of being seen as weak.  But the truth (and research does support this) is, the right therapy with the right therapist for you can prove very effective.

Today I explored the role that Counselling might play in managing stress and stress related conditions such as anxiety disorders, or depression.  I interviewed Liane Collins, principal counsellor or Silverleaf Counselling and asked her how she works with clients experiencing such conditions.  Here’s the interview:

The key messages from the interview are that asking for help is a sign of courage and not a weakness, and that, getting that help (the right therapy and the right therapist) can lead to rapid change and improvement.

You can email Liane (liane@silverleafcounselling.co.uk )if there is anything you would like to discuss arising form the interview, or drop me a comment.  I would welcome your thoughts.

For now

SG out

Dave Algeo, Stress(ed) Guru

Dave Algeo, the Stress(ed) Guru is a stress expert, speaker, trainer and writer as well as a stress survivor.  Dave works with organisations to help individuals, teams and leaders understand stress and manage it more effectively resulting in greater wellbeing, motivation, performance and productivity

Stress about to Crush you? Step Away

I’ve started compiling a list of all my stress management tips with a view to seeing if I can create a 365 day list (i.e. 1 tip per day for a full year).  I’m confident I can do it, because there is just so much you can do to manage stress.

So here’s tip no. 1.

‘Step Away from the Stress.’

The problem with our stress response is that, when it activates, it tends to move us from our more rational considered way of thinking into a more instinctive, irrational response.  It senses a threat and drives us to the ‘Fight or Flight’ kind of actions.  The trouble is that these may not be the most appropriate response for many situations.

So, when you feel like the situation or event is threatening to overwhelm you, i.e. you believe you cannot or may not be able to cope with it or you feel fear, anger or other strong emotions rising, that is the signal to stop and step away.

In a later tip, I’ll talk about a tactic to employ if you are unable to physically absent (remove) yourself from the situation, but for now we’ll stick with the physical ‘stepping away.’

The trick here is to first learn to spot the situation before it becomes overwhelming and this can take practice and some personal reflection.  Start to keep a simple journal where you record on a daily basis your observations on how you have handled various situations during the day.  Identify those days where you may have struggled with a situation and record how you felt emotionally and physically, what you thought and how you behaved.  This will help you to spot ‘trigger’ events and become more aware of an approaching ‘trigger situation.’

As you spot yourself becoming at risk of being overwhelmed, make a conscious effort to ‘step away’ from the stress.

Now let’s be clear here, I am not advocating a ‘flight’ or ‘run away run away!’ strategy here.  The aim is to create a little space (physically on this occasion), allowing you to reduce your stress levels and then apply some rational thought.

An example might be a back log of emails and customer complaints which are gradually raising your stress levels to boiling point.  The temptation may be to plough on to get through and then relax, however, if the reality is that there is never an end point, this can be delusional and succeed in simply raising your stress levels further and lead to more mistakes, rushed decisions, cloudy thinking and restricted creativity.

It is at this point that you need to stop, step away form the stress and give yourself space to actively reduce the stress level and then allow more rational, clear thinking to return.  Go for a drink of water, put the kettle on, nip to the loo or even step outside for some fresh air.  You need no more than a minute or so to start to relaxation process.

I’ll cover techniques to assist this process but for, for now, the top tip is to recognise when you need to step away and do it.  Like a pressure cooker, you need to release the build up of pressure regularly otherwise you risk a complete stress-explosion.

My parody ‘Let’s Talk About Stress Baby,’ video includes this very critical advice.  Have a quick time out and watch:

That’s Stress Tip No.1 then.

SG out

Not perfect? Don’t Bother..

I’m a recovering perfectionist.

There, I’ve said it.

Why recovering?

Well, simply because I still have to watch I don’t slip into the debilitating, productivity wrecking indulgence of this weakness.

I’ve made myself ill through the stress created by perfectionism and I don’t intend to return there.

Perfectionism is a trait that can prevent you even getting started on a task, or result in you labouring over the completion of a task, project or report for a disproportionally long time, just to get it absolutely right.  Read my blog about perfectionism (part of my overcoming writer’s block series of blogs) for more.  In the meantime try these two tactics:

1.    Start catching yourself doing it.  The first and most important step is to start recognising that you are doing this and being honest about it.  Is it really having high standards?  Is it really because is MUST be spot on?  Some projects, granted, that will be the case.  But everything?  Seriously – I would suggest that most of your work (80% – see the 80:20 rule below) doesn’t require it.  Be bold – be hones t and be productive.

2.    Practice imperfection be sloppy.  It might sound just plain wrong, but this is a recognised tool in the therapists’ kit when helping people suffering from anxiety arising out of perfectionism.  Deliberately set out to complete imperfect, even sloppy work (clearly not in areas where it will have a negative impact on either you or your team).  Choose lower priority areas – low level emails for example.

3.     Remember the 80:20 principle.  In short, for perfectionists, remember that your 80% standard is probably another non-perfectionists’ 100% standard.  Don’t grind yourself into the ground (losing time in the process) trying to get from 80% to 100% standard, when 70-80% standard is ‘good enough.

This may create some anxiety at first, but stick with it, start small and develop the habit.  The rewards of greater productivity and sense of freedom will more than compensate.

SG out – because this blog is ‘good enuf’

Dave Algeo, the Stress(ed) Guru is an expert in stress having studied the subject in the ‘trenches’ so to speak.   Speaker, trainer and writer, Dave helps hundreds of people put stress in its’ place and lead happier, healthier and more productive lives.

The truth is, I found it hard initially and still do when I have a particularly demanding workload.  But that is exactly the time to stop and take time to relax and re-charge.

And doing nothing may seem alien, but, with practice can become almost second nature.

My motto is – ‘Do Nothing More!‘  Practice, practice practice, and start small.  Don’t set out to sit for an hour.  Start with one minute.  Watch this great video and give this a go.

There is significant research to support the physiological and psychological benefits of meditation, so what have you got to lose?  Apart from some stress…

SG out and chilling;)

I regularly contribute advice to the Yahoo Answers pages on the subject of stress.  As well as regularly getting voted best answer I am noticing a disturbing trend of stressed out, anxious and possibly depressed kids – teenagers in particular.

My question is this – amidst your own stress and demands, are you paying attention to the experience of your kids?  It’s not meant to be patronising – I’ve seriously considered this too and am taking steps with my own kids.  Sometimes we lose sight of what’s most important to us.

Here’s a sample question along with my answer:

Help with stress!! but theres a problem?

So I have just gone into year 11, which is a new school, cause my other school was 5-10 year lvls (i know fuked up, but yeah). So I’m at this school for 11-12. My friends all are going there. I have 6 classes, only 2 do i have friends in. I have to catch the bus too, which is a fuking stress too. I am not an independent person, i am shy, hate talking to people I don’t know, and hate being alone.

I am stressed as hell. Yesterday I was in tears when I got home, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I wake up, and feel the urge to be sick, and like gag aswell; I feel my stomach hurting. If I eat it doesn’t help and feels bad. I feel better at school with my frends, but I’m not with my friends every class.

The problem, is I have a hormonal inbalance. I have been off period for like 9months. And my doctor says I have to see a specialist for it (it is most likely polycystic ovaries), so I get really bad emotions. Oh an he says theres no point going on the pill, cause they want you off it at the specialist.

I don’t know what to do… help…

My answer:

Hi

It seems like you have a lot coming on top at the moment and that can feel overwhelming.  Please take heart – you are not the only one AND you can do things to help yourself survive and get back on an even keel.

You are doing the right thing to see specialists, etc but in the meantime have a look at my Stress CPR strategy ahead and pick the bits out that might help you at times when it feels too much and as a longer term strategy to help you reduce the pressure on yourself.

In short – give yourself a break, you are coping with a lot and probably expecting too much of yourself.  You are a human being and you have permission to be just that – HUMAN.  No truly successful person gets there by taking on more and more pressure.  They recognise that they are human, have limits and care for themselves.

You are worth doing the same.  Friendships and confidence will develop over time, but try the following and good luck:

Stress CPR:

1.  Stop and step away from the stress.  When it becomes overwhelming thats your signal to stop and review.

2. Ask for help (like first aid CPR where you are encouraged to dial 999 – don’t struggle in silence) – who can assist you, advise you, support you?  Parents, friends, tutors, doctor, etc

3.  Take a rescue breath/ check your breathing.  A great way to reduce your stress in the moment is to do this breathing technique (it links to your stress response and actually changes to the stress chemical cocktail in a good way) :

Stop and focus on your breathing (sit down for this)

Breath in slowly for a count of 2

Hold your breath for a slow count of 2

Breath out slowly for a slow count of 4

Repeat for 30 seconds.

This helps you take charge of your stress and bring you out of panic and back to rational thought.

Now you are ready to self-administer stress CPR:

C:  take some time to identify the causes of your stress –

Write them all down from the big to the small.  Identifying them and writing them down really helps to unload and look at them from a different perspective.  When they run rampant around your mind they often seem horrendous.  On a bit of paper they ain’t so tough.

Then start applying my R.E.D.U.C.E. strategy:

R:  Risk assess the causes of your stress.  All this means is identify the biggest and most troublesome and then focus on them – identify the top 3.

E:  Are there any causes you can eliminate from your life easily?  Sometimes we endure or put up with stuff that when we really think about it we find we don’t have to.  Weigh up the consequences though of eliminating them.

D:  Can you delegate any?  Is there anything in the list that you can ask someone else to do for you (obviously I’m not talking about the stuff you should do yourself – homework, exams, etc, but is there anything else?)

U:  Understand the problem.  Often when there are things on our mind we try to bury it rather than confronting it and finding out what it is all about.  Look at your problems head on particularly your home-work load.  What subjects, material, tasks do you have to do?  What do you already know?  What do you know least? and so on.  Understanding the problem starts to clear your mind.

C:  Chunk it.  Break the problem down into bite-size chunks.  So, start to break your work up into chunks – stuff you know, stuff you need to learn a little bit about, stuff requiring a lot of work -then chunk that down into individual tasks.  Our mind can handle small tasks and you will get more satisfaction working through lots of small tasks.

E:  engage help.  Once you understand the problem and have broken it into chunks then start asking for specific help whether on the internet, from tutor, etc. 

Overall, make your stress load (all the causes) manageable.

P:  Now it’s time to move onto the P – your programming and mindset.

I’ll be quick with this cos it can get deep.

Are you associating your journey home, and stuff with pain, panic, fear and anxiousness and failure?

If so, no wonder  you are feeling so stressed.  Apply the reduce technique and then start changing your perspective on the journey.

Try and turn it into a game with little challenges for yourself – ‘spot a particular make or colour of car,’ keep score and try to beat it the next time or, look for colours of clothing of the passengers, etc – it’s about distracting yourself and providing a challenge which you can then reward yourself for.  So after every journey – give yourself some praise because you had the courage to do it, a treat of some sort.

I’ve used the bus trip as an example, but if you are creative you can do this with any challenging situation – try to change how you think about it and it will seem less scary.

R:  Now you are ready to move into the Recovery Position:

This is about recharging your energy battery.  All that stress and anxiety will be exhausting and I bet you are not relaxing or sleeping as well?

So, now is the time to start taking a bit of ‘me time’ out from your work, go to bed at a decent time and switch of distractions – mobile phone (yes that too!!), tv, games, etc.  Dim your lights in your room and create a relaxing space in which to sleep.  Also do some acitvity such as going for a walk, some exercise and get some healthy food down your neck too.

Stress drains your energy battery.  rest, exercise and good food restore your energy

Good luck

Dave, Stress(ed) Guru

The above is one of many responses I have given to cries for help via Yahoo answers.  Why not check and see if there are any ‘cries for help’ going unheard with your kids.

SG out, Nuff said

I’ve just had an email from a rich Prince or Sultan or somebody in a country I’ve never heard of who wants me – Yes ME!! – to help him secure £3m in gold and all I have to do is give him £10k.

Sounds like a bargain, but since I don’t have £10k spare, I thought, having recognised that this guy is clearly coping with a lot of stress, to offer my goodwill and the following advice:

Dear Sultan, Prince, or whatever your title.

So sorry to hear of your plight.  Unfortunately I can’t assist with money, but I can give you some great stress management techniques:

1.  Your lack of trust in your staff

This is a common theme in my workshops.  Often, when under stress, it is difficult to let go of tasks and delegate thinking that it is simpler to ‘just do it yourself.’  My advice – Delegate.  Go on, try it.  Follow my 10 Point plan and my ‘7 seven levels of delegation‘.

2.  Feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility

I get this.  You feel you have a huge burden (what to do with all that gold).  The first step is to stop and step away from the problem and the burden.  Create a quiet space in which to work through the problem calmly and collectedly.  Let’s face it – is entrusting a complete stranger like me with all that gold the right thing to do?  I think not.  You need to think rationally about this problem rather than allowing your ‘fight or flight’ response come up with such a knee jerk option.  Think yourself lucky you randomly emailed me – a responsible and caring person instead of some crook who might have exploited your good and trusting nature.

3.  Unable to move on from the problem?

Again, this is understandable.  This is a big problem – how to move £30m of gold from your country without being discovered.  But constantly ruminating on the problem is only  going to wear you out and drain your energy levels.  Take some well earned ‘me time’.  Seriously – you will, after a nice hot bath, or a refreshing walk, meditation, or some exercise, feel renewed and able to take another stab at this problem.

4.   It just seems too big to deal with

It is a huge amount of gold, but I think you are getting caught up in the big picture.  Break it into chunks – into gold bars if you like.  Break the problem down into bite-sized chunks and tackle them one bit at a time.  Let’s face it – you stand a better chance of successfully shipping that gold out in a series of small packages than trying to make one big transaction – as flattered as I am to be the person you trust to take on that task.

I hope Sultan, that this advice helps.  If you take this advice it will surely be worth more to you than the £10k you initially sought.

No need to thank me.

That’s what I’m here for… to help people like you who are struggling with incredible pressure.

All the best.  Oh, and… please let me know how you get on.

Your supporter

Dave Algeo, the Stress(ed) Guru

Note:  I do realise the email was a spam email and I am not trying to minimise the harm this kind of fraud can do.  There are real victims of this callous kind of crime.  I just couldn’t resist poking a bit of fun at the perpetrators and package up some stress management tips in a different way.  If anyone has had such emails, telephone calls and were in any doubt – please don’t be any longer – they are aimed at ripping you off.  if you see them as a possible way out of your stressful financial situation – take it as a hint to get some real support and advice from recommended professionals – try Citizens Advice in the UK as a starting point.  Don’t add to your stress by being taken in by these criminals.

SG out

Are you plagued by distracting demands, long ‘To Do’ Lists in which you never seem to make a dent?  Is this creating stress?  Read my series of blogs on writer’s block for more about the havoc it can wreak on our productivity.  Do you find yourself spending too much time on lower priority tasks, or doing anything other than getting on with tasks that really need doing?

If so then it’s time to:

Deal with your procrastination demon! 

No, now, not later or when you have more time… Now.  Because, let’s face it, if you are like me, the very act of putting off until you ‘have more time,’ simply means ‘it never happens’.  There are lots of reasons why and procrastination itself is a fascinating field of psychology – but not one to explore now (no distractions).

Just Make a Start – Any Start

The first and most important anti-procrastination tactic is to simply make a start.  Take that task, project that has been sitting there creating stress (stealth stressors I call them) and start – even if, in your mind, you only intend to dedicate 5-10 minutes to it.

Procrastination impacts on us all at times.  Try this variation on your to do list:

• Identify those tasks that will add significant value.  Label these ‘transformational tasks.’
• Identify those tasks which, if you failed to do them, would subtract significant value.  Label these ‘maintenance tasks.’
• Identify those tasks and that neither add value if completed or subtract value if omitted and place these in the ‘bin’ file.

Each day focus first on your transformational tasks.  Having completed these move onto your ‘maintenance tasks.’

The only time a maintenance task should take precedence over a transformational task is when it becomes urgent and failing to complete it would result in imminent damage.

Remember the 3% rule too.

Often we don’t start because the job seems just too big or we believe we need to set aside a big chunk of time.

Often, all we really need is to do 3% of the task/ project every day.  Do it, and within 10 days you’ll have 30% done (alright so I’m no mathematician, but you know what I mean.

Right, that’s it – go on make a start.  Now.  No, not after you’ve made a cuppa – now Reward yourself with the cuppa.

SG out and reducing my stress by being productive rather than busy

Dave Algeo is the Stress(ed) Guru – stress expert, speaker, trainer, writer and above all a stress survivor.

Dave Algeo, Stress(ed) Guru

In terms of stress, I know from personal experience and from the numerous people I work with on my stress workshops that being organised is not only critical to maintaining our productivity but also important in reducing our stress levels.

Organisation = Reduced Stress

Staying organised can seem a real challenge when running a household, holding a busy responsible job, bringing up children, caring for others and whatever your day to day pressures are.

The Organising Expert to the Rescue

So, today I have a real treat and invite you to click on the below audio interview I conducted with renowned organising expert Lorie Marrero.  Lorie is the author of a great book – The Clutter Diet, which provides strategies and a wealth of tips and suggestions to get organised with minimum fuss.

During the interview I ask Lorie to tell us how she became an organisation expert, why she believes getting organised can help with reducing stress.  Lorie also provides some of her tips and strategies on getting organised, de-cluttering and paper management.

Click to listen and, if you want to know more, check out Lorie’s website – clutterdiet.com

LTAS Lorie Marrero Interview Jan 2012 by stressedguru

Lorie also offers a free 7 Day Quickstart Program on her website.  Check it out if you wish to take advantage of the offer:   clutterdiet.com

I hope you enjoy the information and find it useful in your efforts to get organised and reduce your stress levels for 2012.

Go for it!

Stress(ed) Guru out and de-cluttering

So this week’s tip is about developing focus on the task at hand.  Close off distractions and motivate yourself to complete one task or part of a project at a time in the following simple way:

Set time limits for tasks.  Estimate the time it will take to complete each task (be realistic – they often take longer than you realise) and then plan your day in blocks of ninety minutes to two hours based on theses tasks.  Motivate yourself to finish within your set limit.  Reward yourself with a break if you do, then return to the next task.  Don’t rush – don’t let quality slip, but do focus single mindedly on each task.

The whole point of setting a time limit with a goal for completion is to create that sense of urgency that we so often reserve for looming last minute deadlines.  It is about tricking the mind (almost) into believing that this is a must do deadline and working to it.  The reward of a break afterwards is key to allowing the stress level to subside and to reflect on the job well done.  It is important to be realistic with what you can actually achieve in that period rather than setting an unachievable goal which only serves to create anxiety and stress and make things worse.

I would always recommend building in 10% extra time over the time you think it will take to allow for slippage and to allow for extra reward breaks if you complete before the time deadline set.

Have a look at the scripting technique too which featured in a previous time management tip of the week – this will show you how to use the above technique to best effect over a whole day.  The long term benefits of being more disciplined with your time , whilst may be uncomfortable at first, can be fantastic in raising your confidence at what you can actually achieve in a day and help to curb overall stress levels where a cause may be the amount of work you have to do.

Good luck

Stress(ed) Guru out